Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Shots: Modern Day Medieval Torture

I was not aware that i would be sacrificing my physical well-being so soon, but...(sing this in your mind) "i will go, i will do, the things the lord commands." I thought that i had finally endured EVERY SHOT KNOWN TO MAN, obviously i was dead wrong. I mean come on, my Dad worked in immunizations off and on for about 4 years, shots came as often as eating cake on your birthday, which is needless to say, extremely often. Over the years it seemed as if Mom had personally coincided with the Doctor planing all of my shots in perfect synchronization with my apparent knack for getting in trouble. Still to this day i dread every second, nay every millisecond, spent in that God forsaken place. I would go as far as to eat Cream Corn, the one food that I loath with fiery passion, then sit through a series of shots. If you don't agree with me then think of it this way, you are taken to a cold, overly lit room. After being temporarily disoriented you vision returns and you find yourself in a unforgiving chair. You look around and find the walls are covered in creepily organized vials varying in color and size. Distracted you now notice an over zealous psychopath emerging through a curtain on the other side of the room that you has not noticed earlier. With calm precision he begins opening drawers that you had just seen the instruments of death residing. He turns slowly facing you, a manic look of pure joy emanating from his whole being. Suddenly you look over and there is mom. You try to find some comfort in her face but the stone cold look she gives just screams to you of no compassion. She quickly looks away and any feelings of motherly protection disintegrates and evolves into uncontrollable fear. That same fear paralyzes you to the chair as the raving lunatic eerily floats in your direction. Before you even have time to thinks the sharp pain of a white hot cattle prod is felt being stabbed into your virgin arm. OHHHHHHHHHHH THE PAIN.....

If you can imagine that, then you now know how i feel.